It is traditional at this time of year to reflect on the events and actions of the previous twelve months.
As this year comes to a close, what I find most striking is the unbelievable vitriol that has infected interpersonal relationships. It seems to have become impossible to discuss even the most benign topics without those discussions becoming the catalyst for nuclear war.
No matter what the subject, there seems to be only two sides, my side and the unmitigated stupidity of anyone who would dare disagree with me. The very idea of listening to and trying to understand opposing views is, well, why would you? They’re wrong anyway. And probably a terrible person too.
I wonder how badly this has hurt us because disagreement is the life blood of better ideas and improved solutions.
In my leadership development classes, I encounter more and more issues where disagreement and good conflict is not happening because even the slightest disagreement is interpreted as a personal attack.
We need to take a different approach in the coming year.
For Leaders – Develop a culture of good conflict in your teams. Encourage disagreement and serious discussion but don’t allow personal attacks. Also, don’t allow team members to resort to a defensive crouch every time someone disagrees with them.
For Team members – Be open minded. When someone offers an opinion or position that’s different from yours, or even one you find objectionable, at least make an effort to understand that opinion or position. Disagreement is not a personal affront so don’t get defensive.
For HR Departments – Don’t become the place everyone can go and cry about how someone hurt their feelings. Encouraging the idea that a dissenting opinion is somehow unfair or discriminatory damages the company and may actually be masking real problems.
For Everyone – Lets all turn down the temperature a little bit. If you don’t agree with someone, that’s ok. But it isn’t a reason to publically disparage them. Instead, ask yourself two questions.
1. Why does that person believe or think that way?
2. Why do I disagree?
Strive to find real answers to those questions, not just the first knee jerk reaction that comes to mind.